After five years of marriage, in November 2019, my husband and I decided we were ready to try to conceive (referred to as TTC in the fertility app chat groups). A little over a year later, I finally received my first positive pregnancy test.
Due to some spotting and first-time jitters, we were able to get an early ultrasound and at around seven weeks saw a peanut-sized blob with a blinking dot, signifying a heart beat. While we knew the advice to refrain from announcing to the world, we did share the news with our parents, who shared in our joy and excitement.
At our 12-week appointment, the ultrasound technician was less talkative and there was no showing of images on the screen. Armed with just one photo, my husband and I were sent back to the lobby to wait for the doctor.
As soon as we sat down, I whispered to my husband, “Something is wrong.” After what felt like hours, but in actuality was less than 20 minutes, we found ourselves sitting in the doctor’s office as he explained to us that a heartbeat could not be located.
While we knew this was a possibility, it did not soften the blow. It had only been two months, but we’d already begun imagining our life as a family of three. I had started a private registry and researched car seats, strollers and baby monitors. We had discussed names. We had holiday cards printed and addressed, ready to be dropped in the mail announcing our new addition. Within minutes, all of those dreams were crushed. Our baby was gone.
After several blood tests to confirm the miscarriage, I was scheduled for a dilation and curettage, or D&C, at the local hospital within a week. While the experience was heartbreaking, the procedure went smoothly and after a few months of healing both physically and emotionally, we were once again trying to conceive.
In July 2021, I found myself pregnant again. Thanks to timing, I was able to tell my husband on his birthday. What a perfect gift! While we knew from our first experience that we should try to contain our excitement, it was difficult.
Our previous experience coupled with more spotting meant we were able to again get in early for an ultrasound, which yielded confirmation of a pregnancy and heartbeat. Our 12-week ultrasound also went differently, with the tech showing us the flickering dot and sending us back to the waiting room with multiple sonogram images. We breathed a collective sigh of relief as we waited for the doctor, unaware of what awaited us.
When we met with the…
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