News

Opinion: Loving your family even when they make horrible choices

A turning point in the fight against right-wing extremism

“But to say I’m surprised would be a lie. Everything my dad did, he’s his own person, and his actions have consequences.”

Since the earliest days of Trump-era politics, many have had to reconcile their emotions of love with ones of confusion, disappointment and betrayal over family members’ ideologies — ones that are often new or more extreme than they previously were. This created divisions between loved ones that have become even more pronounced in the wake of January 6, when the threat that former President Donald Trump’s style of politics poses to the nation became undeniable.

People like Jackson Reffitt have been forced to choose between loyalty to their family and to their own personal beliefs. To wit, when asked if he’s had any second thoughts about turning his father in, Jackson replied, “absolutely not,” while acknowledging that he bears considerable guilt, especially given his father’s “deteriorating” mental state, which Jackson fears could worsen in the prison system.

It’s understandable that Jackson feels this way; it’s extremely hard to reconcile feelings when a parent or other loved one behaves in a way we find unacceptable or even unfathomable. Questions arise: What does that mean about our love for them? Their love for us? Which parts of them have we inherited, and will we be self-aware enough to recognize them? How can someone who raised us behave in so very different ways than we would?

And, perhaps most sweepingly: Does loving a family member mean accepting those behaviors, at all costs?

In the case of violent behavior, there may also be a fear of retribution or alienation from other members of the family. Jackson told CNN that his relationship with his mother and sisters over the last few years has been “really polarizing…. It feels like we’re each pulling on a string one way.”

Just as difficult is the fear of losing someone we love to a person, situation or ideology we don’t. Jackson — like others who have found themselves in similar, if less extreme, circumstances with their loved ones — may be reflecting on his whole relationship with his family and wondering about how and where to put his trust going forward. It’s extremely difficult to have empathy for both ourselves and those who disappoint us, especially if they are part of our family of origin. And it is extremely difficult to face behaviors we find reprehensible when they come from people we love.

Opinion: Have the January 6 hearings damaged Trump's political prospects? Don't count on it

But it’s not impossible, as the younger Reffitt has shown. Throughout the…

Click Here to Read the Full Original Article at CNN.com – RSS Channel – HP Hero…