How to answer those dreaded personal questions at holiday gatherings

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The table is set, friends and family draw near, and you already know what comments or questions are going to come your way.

Maybe the remarks are about food, your weight, money, relationships, career or kids — whatever the topic may be, the position you’re in isn’t unusual.

For many people, the holidays aren’t necessarily the most joyous time — often because we are anticipating conflict or inappropriate interrogation, said Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, a psychologist based in Connecticut.

But instead of silently seething or lashing out, she recommends setting boundaries, she said.

Setting boundaries might seem like the start of a fight, but it’s just a way to communicate what your needs are and what you are OK with, said Kami Orange, a boundary coach based in southern Utah.

Boundaries are hard, though, and it takes some preparation to know how to respond instead of reacting to protect your feelings, Orange added. Here’s how to get started.

Step one is to make a plan, said therapist Jennifer Rollin, founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, Maryland.

Before the get-together, think about what your needs are and what a friend or relative might say that would trigger you, she added.

“Decide in advance, these are comments that are triggering for me, and these are some things that I would say back to it,” Rollin said.

It can also be helpful to identify your goals for the evening, Capanna-Hodge said. You might not be able to help everyone get along, but you can succeed in spending time with your aunt whom you don’t see often or playing with your nephew, she added.

“You’re not going to solve 30 years of family problems on the Thanksgiving table or the Christmas table,” Capanna-Hodge said.

But you can still curb conflict by coming up with a list of safe topics ahead of time to redirect to when the conversation turns to a subject that could be fraught, Capanna-Hodge said. And a preholiday conversation about what you will or won’t talk about can be…