Editor’s Note: Holly Thomas is a writer and editor based in London. She is morning editor at Katie Couric Media. She tweets @HolstaT. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author. View more opinion on CNN.
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In my early 20s, I agreed to accompany a man on a cruise to Iceland on a whim. At the 11th hour, I wavered. I wasn’t romantically interested in him, and it occurred to me, embarrassingly late in the day, that embarking on such a trip might constitute a mixed signal. I vacillated and sent awkward, non-committal responses to his messages. To his credit, he called me on it. “Just say you’re not interested,” he said. “I can take it.”
On the face of it, my behavior looks like the product of an outsized ego twinned with immature cowardice. That’s not super off the mark, but there is more to it. This man cleaned up my mess, but more importantly, he received the brush-off like a mensch. In my experience to date, this was rare, and on some level, I’d anticipated a much worse outcome.
While ineffective decision-making is my own cross to bear, the anxiety that informed it in this instance is a symptom of a problem that runs far deeper. People, on the whole, cope poorly with romantic rejection. In some cases, the hurt can linger for years — and research has shown that men who are turned down by women who they’d anticipated sexual relations with are more likely to become aggressive in response. Yet despite the pain and worry that rejection so often causes both those on the receiving end and those dishing it out, we receive little to no training on how to handle it.
Enter New Zealand. The nation’s Love Better campaign, which launched last week with financial backing from the government’s Ministry of Social Development, aims to help young people recover from breakups and build resilience. The campaign includes a dedicated phone, text or email helpline run by Youthline, an organization dedicated to supporting people ages 12 to 24.
It’s part of a broader strategy to help eliminate family and sexual violence, and it follows a survey of 1,200 16-24-year-olds, 68% of whom reported experiences encompassing self-harm, substance abuse, risky sexual behaviors and violence and coercion following rejection. Given the breadth of…
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