Let’s face it: Many of us aren’t great at talking about sex. Even if you enjoy the physical act, discussing it candidly may still feel uncomfortable.
But without open communication, you could be missing out on better sex and a stronger connection with your partner.
Maybe you two have been together for a while, so you think you already know everything about each other’s past experiences, turn-ons and fantasies. But unless you’re asking thoughtful questions, you’re probably not as in-sync as you think.
Speaking to HuffPost, sex experts shared some questions that can help you get to know your partner on a deeper level.
1. What’s the best dirty dream you’ve ever had?
This is a great way to open the door to talking about your fantasies — and doing it through a dream “allows creativity to really take hold,” said Lisa Finn, a sex educator and brand manager at sex toy company Babeland.
“Follow up and ask what parts about it were the best. Of course, not everything in a dream can necessarily even be possible,” Finn said. “But you can use the opportunity to use some imagination. Plus, describing a fantasy is a great way to practice some dirty talk.”
2. What are your biggest turn-ons — and turn-offs?
Zachary Zane — the author of “Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto” and a sex expert with Momentum Intimacy, which sells condoms, lubricants and other products — recommends asking this question before you have sex with someone new.
“No one is a mind reader, and both people will feel safer and more comfortable knowing what their partner likes and dislikes,” he said. “Not to mention, it’ll be more pleasurable for both parties involved.”
“No one is a mind reader, and both people will feel safer and more comfortable knowing what their partner likes and dislikes.”
– Zachary Zane, a sex expert and the author of “Boyslut.”
And because our sexuality is ever evolving, it’s worth checking in with each other on this periodically — even if you’ve discussed it in the past.
“What we find arousing today may not be what we found hot a year ago or 10 years ago,” Zane said. “So if you haven’t spoken about your sexual desires to your partner in a while and have just been doing the same thing, this gives you an opportunity to change up how you’ve been having sex.”
3. What things turn you on that aren’t overtly sexual?
By asking this question, you can discover the unexpected things that attract and excite your partner.
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