It’ll come as a surprise to no one that the holiday season can be just as depleting as it is fulfilling. Whether your funds run dry or your energy is drained after countless parties, the festive season can feel anything but.
A few concrete boundaries can help you this time of year, therapists say — and could even leave you with more money in your pocket and time to relax and do the things you really want to do.
Below, therapists share the most important boundaries to set this holiday season to protect yourself from holiday depletion and frustration.
Time you’re expected to spend with others.
“We need to put boundaries around the time that people are asking of us and the time that people are requiring or demanding of us,” said Ebony Butler, a psychologist in Texas.
“One of the things that leaves people feeling the most stressed out is this pressure to be everywhere, all the time,” Butler said.
Think about it: you probably have multiple events to attend each week throughout December, whether it’s dinners with friends, family gatherings, work holiday parties, celebrations at your kids’ school or New Year’s festivities.
It’s important to establish boundaries around what you have the capacity to do, according to Butler. It’s OK to decline invitations.
The number of family events you’re attending.
“Thinking specifically around the holidays, if we’re thinking about boundaries with family or family of origin, a lot of times boundaries aren’t even considered,” said Danica Harris, a somatic therapist and coach based in Texas. “It’s like, ‘Oh, well, we just do this out of traditions sake.’”
Sometimes these traditions are what’s best for everyone in the family, but sometimes they’re not. For example, Christmas Eve with your mom and Christmas Day with your cousins may make everyone around you happy, but may require you to drive across the state to appease everyone’s needs.
If that doesn’t feel good to you, you’re likely just building up resentment, which creates a layer of negativity surrounding these events ― as opposed to looking forward to the connection, Harris said. You should allow yourself to think about other ways to celebrate that won’t leave you feeling depleted, whether that means skipping an event or FaceTiming in.
Ask yourself, “What do I actually want here? What’s working for me and what’s not working for me in my relationships with others?” Harris said. “If we don’t look at that, then we’re…
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