Being in a relationship with a sober person when you’re not sober yourself may seem intimidating at first. Perhaps you’re unsure how to navigate certain situations (Can I have a glass of wine in front of them? Will we still do Friday happy hour with our friends?) and how to show up as a loving, considerate presence in their life.
Whether your partner was already sober when you started dating or got sober while you were together, we’ve gathered some advice that will help you support them. Of course there’s no one-size-fits-all playbook, but these suggestions from sober folks and a therapist who specializes in addiction issues are a good place to start.
1. Ask them directly how you can best support them.
“Maybe you’ve wondered what the rules are around your partner’s sobriety. Perhaps you’re scared to drink around them, or you don’t know if wine is a problem for someone who was addicted to heroin. Maybe you’re wondering if it’s OK to offer up one of your CBD edibles when your partner is nervous about flying or having trouble sleeping. There is no across-the-board answer to these questions, so simply ask your partner what’s OK for them.” — Laura Cathcart Robbins, author of “Stash” and host of the “The Only One in the Room” podcast
2. Be mindful of where they are in their sobriety journey.
“When I have some time under my belt, I’m OK being around alcohol and genuinely am not bothered. For example, I can’t speak to all sober people’s experience, but for myself, I needed a little extra consideration in early days and after a relapse. I need time away from spaces where alcohol is the predominant reason for being there.
Once, I told a partner I needed to get some sobriety built up and wouldn’t be able to be in bars for a bit. He was a musician and was the sound guy at a local venue, and his response was, ‘I love you, care about you, and want you in my life, but I spend my life in bars. How realistic is that?’
Needless to say, things did not end well — I tried to accommodate him, which was foolish, and it resulted, naturally, in relapses — plural. A reminder not to forfeit your boundaries for anyone; people who truly love you wouldn’t expect you to.” — Brooke Knisley, writer
“There is no across-the-board answer to these questions, so simply ask your partner what’s OK for them.”
– Laura Cathcart Robbins, author of “Stash”
3. Be respectful of their boundaries.
“I think it’s important to let your…
Click Here to Read the Full Original Article at Women…