Your Kid Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend. Therapists Share Why.

Many parents nonchalantly refer to their children, whether babies or adults, as their “best friend.” It can be an offhanded comment about an infant daughter or a declaration to the room at your child’s 30th birthday party.

It’s a phrase that, generally, comes from a good place. But if a parent actually treats their child as a best friend, such as by sharing personal stories or swapping gossip, it can become a problem.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time with your child and [if] you find that you have fun hanging out with them, that is great, but when you are referring to your child as their best friend, that is a blurring of boundaries,” said Holly Humphreys, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks in Roanoke, Virginia.

This can cause the relationship dynamics to move from parent-child to parent-friend or parent-counselor, she noted.

“So, you’re actually putting your child into a different category when you say that they’re your best friend, and then that can lead into oversharing of personal details that your child should not know about,” Humphreys noted.

It can also cause problems for both the kid and the parent in other realms, too. Here’s what therapists want you to know:

It’s always a no-no for parents to refer to and treat a young child as their best friend, therapists say. And that’s true whether you have kids in elementary school, middle school, high school or college.

The idea that your young child is “your best friend” may come from a loving place, “but even with good intentions, it points to a deeper issue,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach.

“Kids need their parents to be their parents. They need [their parents] to be the safe, guiding adults in their lives, not their peers. And when those lines get blurred, it makes it harder to set boundaries and actually parent well,” Howard explained.

If you treat your kid like your best friend, they may not want to listen to you when you do set rules. Or, they may feel pressure to care for you, either emotionally, practically or both. This role-reversal is known as parentification, Howard explained.

“A child can’t be their parent’s best friend without feeling some unspoken pressure to meet the needs of the parent that just aren’t theirs to meet,” said Howard.