Science Says We Like When People Flirt With Our Partner. To A Point. Science Says We Like When People Flirt With Our Partner — Up Until This Point

There’s a social phenomenon that psychology professor Gurit Birnbaum often sees play out among people she knows and couples in the wild: Thinking they’re sly, one partner will try to make the other jealous or get a rise out of them by flirting or seeking attention elsewhere.

“It made me wonder: Does this strategy actually work? Does it make the partner feel more desired, or does it prove counterproductive and damage the relationship?” she told HuffPost.

With her interest piqued, she and her research team at Reichman University in Herzliya, Israel, teamed up with researchers at the University of Rochester in New York to explore that very premise. A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research reveals their findings.

The study revealed a surprising twist in the way we respond to others’ interest in our partners: At first we kind of like it, but that enthusiasm is short-lived. Once we’re coupled up and in a relationship, seeing someone flirt with our partner causes a dip in both our desire for them and our desire to invest further in the relationship.

“Both men and women displayed similar defensive behaviors, including decreased desire for their partner, reduced investment in the relationship and increased vigilance towards potential rivals,” Birnbaum said.

Prior research suggests that seeing someone flirt with our partners is actually a positive thing, up to a certain point. That’s because as social animals, we rely on social cues to help us search out a desirable partner. One specific cue, known as mate choice copying, occurs in humans and other animals: Seeing others interested in a potential mate makes that person appear all the more attractive and in-demand. Consider it the “I’ll have what she’s having” approach to dating.

“Or imagine you’re at a party,” Birnbaum said. “You might notice someone who seems attractive, but you’re not sure about their personality or if they’d be a good partner. That’s where mate choice copying comes in.” That outside interest convinces you that the person is worth your time, too.

Another example of mate choice copying, according to Birnbaum? Research has shown that women tend to perceive men as more desirable if they’re photographed in the company of other women (especially smiling women), as opposed to photos of guys alone or in the company of other…