If you’re a human living on this planet, you’ve likely experienced a full-body shiver when remembering an embarrassing thing you did. Maybe you’ve even uttered the phrase “why did I say that?” many months after an awkward interaction.
On social media and online, this experience is sometimes referred to as a “cringe attack,” which can be described as the “intense physical or emotional experience related to a past memory that causes feelings of embarrassment, distress, shame or social anxiety,” said Zoe Kinsey, a licensed mental health counselor at Self Space in Washington state. These uncomfortable memories often occur in social, familial or romantic situations.
So-called cringe attacks catch you off guard, added Danica Harris, a somatic therapist and coach based in Texas. For example, that embarrassing text you sent three years ago probably popped into your head seemingly out of nowhere. But while it might seem random, it actually was probably tied to internal or external factors, like an ad for a certain brand or the anniversary of a fight you had with a loved one, Harris said.
When experiencing a cringe attack, Harris said your brain probably thinks it’s saving you from having another shame-inducing moment ― but it’s not. We don’t need to drag ourselves through the mud remembering that one uncomfortable thing we said on a first date. But that’s easier said than done. Here’s why:
We tend to hyper-fixate on the ‘wrongs’ because they threaten our sense of social safety.
Cringe attacks are a totally normal human experience for many reasons, according to experts.
It starts with our negativity bias. “We get really hyper-focused on things we mess up on, and then we lose perspective on all the things we do right,” Harris said. For instance, you can probably remember every single detail of that one awkward interaction with your boss but probably can’t remember the details of the dozens of positive interactions that have happened since.
Moreover, cringe attacks remind us that we’re human, not the picture-perfect creatures social media shows.
“I think so many of us, maybe even most of us, are pretty afraid of our full humanity showing, both because we’re worried about judgment, but also it’s that vulnerability piece … if I let my humanity show, does that mean that someone will take advantage of me or someone will judge me?” Harris said.
People just want to feel accepted and like they belong, Harris added. “So these…
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